Kids and Counseling

When I first started on the venture of making counseling a career, I truly thought that adults would be the ONLY population I would see. I commended middle and high school teachers for being able to spend every day with the creatures I avoided the most. I wanted nothing to do with this age group. Nothing.

But in former jobs, I got a taste of working with teens and trudged through it, ready to move on to someone that I could rationalize with, with people who were better able to see things in a different light, with a different perspective on life in general. I soon learned that in building a private practice with people in my office, I would need to give up those ideals and see some teenagers and adolescents. Was I a little apprehensive about it? Absolutely! Was it also one of the best decisions I ever made? You bet.

I have come to find that teens and adolescents are the ones in need the most of someone outside of family to talk to. My preconceived notion of only those children coming from the most troubled homes needed counseling soon dissolved once I began meeting with more and more teens. I see those with very close family units, parents who are present and available to their kids and want nothing but the best for their children. It is amazingly hard to grow up in this world. Teens don’t always want to be open with their parents for a variety of reasons. Fear of getting in trouble, fear of disappointing their parents and loved ones, fear that what they are thinking is not normal, and worry that they just aren’t fitting into this world like they should.

What I was most worried about when meeting with a teen or adolescent was that it would be the LONGEST 50 minutes of my life, sitting there in silence with a kid who was forced to be there and didn’t want to be and therefore did not speak one word. I found the complete opposite, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief! This age group benefits greatly from having someone to talk to outside of the family and school atmosphere to get it all out in a supportive and comfortable environment. If someone is under 18, I do have the right to discuss anything said in a session with their parents. HOWEVER, I emphasize the fact that this is THEIR place. I will not tell their parents or guardians anything with them knowing it first. (Unless of course they threaten to harm themselves or someone else). I strive to provide that safe place for them to unload, to normalize what they are thinking and feeling and help them to work through things in a positive and healthy way. As it turns out, those 50 minutes goes by really fast and I sometimes wish that appointment could go on for two hours, not just one. Who knew?

So all you parents out there, I understand it is not always easy to come to the realization that they need someone besides you to talk to. As parents, from the day that child is born, we are  programmed to believe that we can fix it all, that a kiss to that boo boo and a good heart to heart talk will make it all better. However, as children get older and reach those middle and high school years, they face the struggles of finding their own way in this world and for many various reasons, can’t always be 100% open and honest with mom and dad. It has nothing to do with your parenting skills, it’s just the way this age is programmed to operate. So I encourage you that if you see your child in this age group to be struggling with something, get them help.  As always, my phone consultations are free and confidential and I would be happy to talk with you to discuss if counseling is the right answer for them, or some other option.