Dreaming...

HAPPY SPRING!!! It’s April, does that mean that FINALLY the snow is gone at least for several more months? It’s been a long winter and it is so nice to see the trees and flowers blooming, birds returning, my dogs chasing the squirrels through the yard and being able to enjoy the warm sunshine! Spring is a time of new things happening such as the baby birds and chicks making their way into this world.  For many people out there, it is bittersweet, as this is a time of new life, so many people in this world are aching on a daily basis for new life to happen for them. The last week of April is National Infertility Awareness Week and a topic I wanted to bring a little attention to on here.

Infertility continues to be one of those topics that isn’t talked about much. When a couple is going through this, it tends to be a private matter between the husband and wife and the doctor. They may not feel like talking about it for a number of reasons. They might feel inadequate that their bodies are not working the way nature intended and therefore, they are somewhat at fault for not being able to conceive. But it isn’t something they did or didn’t do.  It can be due to a medical condition than can sometimes be fixed. On the other hand, they might be told from the doctor that there is no medical explanation for why a baby isn’t happening for them.  This unknown can be incredibly frustrating and put a strain on relationships and make others areas of life hard to deal with. A woman going through infertility feels surrounded by others who are experiencing the joys of motherhood, men don’t know how to comfort their wives and increased stress for themselves. The joy of hoping to create life soon becomes a “job” and can put a strain on any relationship.

So why isn’t this something that is talked about more? I think it boils down to people don’t know what to say. For those who have never been through it, understanding is nearly impossible. Of course the same is true for many other situations as well. But women and men are often told by well meaning individuals to “relax and it will happen”, “stop thinking about it and it will happen” or “decrease the stress in your life and it will happen”. I know people mean well, but let’s be real. Telling someone to relax and they will conceive is like telling someone with a head cold to relax and you will feel all better, or stop thinking about that hacking cough you have and it will go away. If a person had that much control over being able to conceive, they would have had six babies by now! The best thing you can do for someone experiencing this is to just ask them if they want to talk about it. Ask them what it is like for them. Listen, listen and listen. They probably don’t want to hear how your second cousin’s wife’s brother’s sister got pregnant by eating sticks and berries. Or, they might not want to talk about it at all. It can be something that is one their mind constantly and to have some time out with a friend to get their minds off things can be great therapy as well.

I used to be so guilty of making hints to people without kids about pregnancy etc. I wish I could take it all back, as I didn’t always know if something else was going on for them and my questions hurt more. But thinking about it more, it saddens me that this is a topic that isn’t talked about more. I encourage you to support your friends and family who might be experiencing infertility and let them know you care. This is certainly a topic I could go on and on about as there are so many aspects of it that people don’t always consider. But hopefully by bringing just a little awareness to others is a good first step.  My thoughts are with you all who are dreaming of holding a little one in your arms some day and dreaming of becoming a mommy or a daddy!