Over a Decade Later, Grief is Still a Funny Thing

On this day 13 years ago, we lost the man that should have been my father in law. It seems like yesterday and forever ago all wrapped into one. In the first few years, I used to worry about my husband on this day each year, thinking and assuming it was automatically going to be a rough day. But I soon learned both personally and professionally, that grief is funny that way. It hits when you least expect it. Yes, anniversaries are important and can be rough, but also don't be surprised when it smacks you square in the face. Just know that what you are feeling when someone dies, is all completely normal and part of the process. I don't think I can say it enough, there are no rules to how you are supposed to act when someone dies. 

I realized today, that I was experiencing a different type of grief. When he died, I was only dating my husband, we weren't yet engaged and I didn't know his dad all that well.  For most of that time prior to his death, I was away at college and didn't spend large quantities of time with him. When he died suddenly, I was consumed with being there for my husband, as at the age of 24, he was dealing with completely uncharted territory. But now I get really sad and angry thinking about certain situations, and even after 13 years, it still hits me when I least expect it.  I was cheated out of having a father in law, and getting to know one of the most important people to my husband. My two little girls don't get to know him either and I know for a fact that they would have been an amazing part of his life. I can only imagine the great and not so great things he would have taught them, as from what I remember, he has a great sense of humor, especially when it came to kids. So for me, my grief is for the man that I should have known much much better. Grief isn't always about the people closest to you, it's also about the people that you should have known for a very long time. So right now, I feel the best thing that I can do is talk about the good memories I do have of him and make sure that my daughters get to know the man they would have called Grandpa Denison. Here's a toast to you Willie!!