Slowing Down Is Not A Bad Thing….I Promise!!!!!

I was with my daughter today at a restaurant that offers pizzas on the spot, no waiting and you are out the door with a quick and easy meal. Only they didn’t have a cheese pizza ready and we had to wait. As a place that we frequent semi-often and to my four year old who has never had to wait for her pizza, it was a new experience. She asked a million questions as to why we didn’t have our pizza and were on our way. I explained we had to wait…not an easy task for a four year old.

But hold on a minute; is waiting and patience an easy task for anyone living in this world right now? I think that my daughter may have had a little more patience than I did. We have virtually everything at our finger tips. We can check our e-mail, get the latest news, phone calls, get directions, text messages, etc at any time of the day or night, no matter where we are. Long gone are the days when we actually have to go to library to look up some information to get the answers we need. Sadly, this need to have everything quickly resolved and taken care of does not easily translate into other areas of our life.

Have you ever met someone who has gotten over a divorce in a day? What about when a loved one dies, not so easy to move forward in a week. Get fired from your job? That certainly isn’t something you can recover from in an hour. My point is that when you are talking about the things that matter most in life, the things that are still here when all of our gadgets ultimately break, are the hardest to get through when times get tough. It’s such a tough change in mindset as we are programmed to have things done quickly and when that doesn’t happen, the anxiety and depression can increase significantly. We then feel that something is wrong with us, that we will always feel bad and things will never get better. Looking into the future can be difficult and overwhelming.

Learning to adapt to major change in life takes time, self reflection, patience and learning how to live with that loss in addition to learning from it and growing from that knowledge. It’s first about identifying the positive things about you that are going to be your best asset in getting through the situation. They might not be very apparent to you at the time, but they are there and learning to build on those strengths is going to be a large part of the success in recovering from the changing event. Leaning on friends and family is extremely important as well. You might feel like a burden, but these are the people who are most important to you and they wouldn’t be there if they didn’t want to be. Taking time for you is key and realizing that setbacks are probably going to happen. Change does not happen immediately. We don’t learn to walk in one day.  Have you ever noticed that a one year old who tries to walk for the first time doesn’t give up when they fall down? They keep trying, as they know it will happen and their life will get a lot better when their legs and brains start working together. As adults we surely forget about this very basic part of life and learning.

All of the above is not an easy mind set to change overnight. But it never hurts to remember to slow down and allow yourself the time you need to get through the most important parts of life.

Getting the Support You Need and Deserve

There are so many people that we come into contact with in our lives on a daily basis. There are many that stick with us and serve many purposes. Our spouses to share most everything with, friends who have known us forever, co-workers that can get us through even the crappiest of work days, family members who are there no matter what, even our pets are great sources of support. The relationships we form are what can keep us going day to day. It’s important to have people in your life that you can turn to for support, help, a shoulder to cry on, to share recreational activities with, advice on things like parenting etc.

However, there can be a flip side to this and a shameless plug for the counseling profession. I have had several individuals in my office tell me that they come to see me for not only professional help, but it’s also nice to talk to someone who doesn’t know anything about them. One person told me a friend was a little hurt that she was seeing me, that the friend wasn’t good enough for support. Friends are WONDERFUL parts of our life and we need them. However, there are also those times that having an unbiased ear can be invaluable. Another person told me that he appreciates being able to talk to me and not have to “sugar coat” anything or worry about hurting my feelings. When we talk to others who are close to us about what is on our mind, we still have that filter on and take into account who that other person is to us and may leave out big parts of our thoughts and feelings. Having a counselor is beneficial to leave that filter at the door. Trust me, we have heard it all and won’t be surprised. Most likely what you are feeling and thinking is normal, but sometimes you need a place to get those things out, to sort through those thoughts and feeling s and gain some clarity and a plan of action.

I encourage you to keep talking to the people in your life who are the strong sources of support; we need them in our lives! Although if that extra clarity is what you desire, consider seeing someone about it as that is what we are here for!

I hope everyone is having a GREAT start to spring! It’s been a long winter for many of us with some crazy weather so please don’t forget to take care of yourself when you are tackling those spring cleaning projects!

A Little Something to Help Get You Through the Week!

May the sun always shine on your windowpane; May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain; May the hand of a friend always be near you; May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you…Irish Blessing

So I don’t have a lot of time this week for a detailed post…so in honor of St. Patrick’s Day this week, I thought the above Irish Blessing would be appropriate. In this fast paced world, it’s so easy to forget, or take for granted the simple things in life like the sun shining, good friends, etc. I encourage you to take time out this week to appreciate the good things in life and acknowledge them; you never know how your actions and words can impact someone else’s day!

Can You Hear Me Now?

There are a lot of counselors out there that specialize in one certain population like grief, depression, marital problems etc. As my partner and I are trying to grow our practice, we are more of a “jack of all trades” type counseling office. I see a variety of different people of all ages. I meet with people struggling with many different areas of life on a daily basis. Tonight I saw a handful of people right in a row and their concerns and goals for counseling were as different as night and day. Except for one thing….they just want to be heard. They want to have time for themselves to get off their chests whatever they want and not worry about anything else. People tell me all the time that they appreciate having the time to talk and I always stress to a new client that for that hour, it is THEIR time and no one else’s.

Isn’t that really what we all want out of life? We just want to be listened to, not just heard, but really listened to. There are so many times that when we engage in a conversation with someone that we are not truly listening to what the other person is saying, but rather, we are already formulating in our mind what is going to come out of our mouths and that might have nothing at all to do with the other person was trying to say. In relationships, what happens when a person doesn’t feel heard over and over again? A spouse might turn those feelings into anger and resentment, a teenager might isolate, an adolescent might act out to try to get attention in another way, an employee might just stop working and the list could go on and on.

It’s not an easy change at all to take the time to really listen to the people in your life and truly hear what they are saying. But if you start listening to what the people close to you are saying, positive things can come of this. Satisfaction in life can improve, as can your outlook on many different things. Your child might actually respond to you in a more positive way (notice I said “might”, kids are still interesting little beings that might never be completely understood :0) or your spouse might treat you a little differently, or your employee might increase their productivity. But if you are dealing with an issue that needs some better direction and unconditional regard, consider seeing someone about it. Get what you need from a professional and in turn, you might start getting those needs met from the people in your life as well.

My How Things Have Changed....

School bullies have been around since the beginning of time. It's human nature, it happens. No, I am not condoning it, just saying that tiffs on the playground are a part of growing up. HOWEVER, it's getting more and more concerning with the evolution of technology what bullying entails these days. I am by far no expert on the topic, however I feel it is one that is VERY important to take note of and if you are a parent, please pay attention to your children and behaviors that they might be exhibiting that could be indicative of being bullied. Adolescents and teenagers are very different creatures than adults (remember, you used to be one too) and they don't always want to talk to mom and dad about things that are bothering them. However, if your gut is telling you that something is up, PLEASE get them help. Seek out a trusted relative that the child feels comfortable with, a school counselor, clergyman, or counselor or doctor! Get them talking to someone! Since I don't have all the answers, I found a website that I will add the link to that might be of help to you and your family.

http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids/

I hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far!! Spring is right around the corner!!
And for all you parents of little ones, celebrate Dr. Seuss's birthday and read your favorite book with them today!!