But I Don’t Wear The Same Size Shoes As You Do!

In the duration of my professional career, I have often heard that people will sometimes seek out a counselor who has been through the same experiences so a person will feel that the counselor “really gets it”. I completely understand that line of thinking; however, you might be hard pressed to find a counselor who can be effective to you if they have had the same experiences as you and who have walked a mile in  your shoes. For instance, say you are looking for a counselor who has also been through a divorce. I am fortunate enough to say that I have been married for several years and I cannot relate to the experiences of a break up of a marriage. However, to put a different spin on it, would you want a counselor who has been through this situation and it was less than pretty and therefore it has the potential to carry over into the professional relationship in a detrimental way? I can’t imagine that as a human being, I would be able to be effective to you if a nasty divorce was still fresh for me and staying neutral would be pretty close to impossible.

The focus I use in a counseling relationship is to find out where the person is coming from, what their perspective is and go forward from there. It can be very beneficial to a person to get another point of view from someone who has the clinical knowledge and skills to help you get out of the tough spot you are in. Getting that help from someone that is not immersed in the same situation themselves can offer other ways of coping. There are many support groups in this world that can help you get the support you need in order to not feel alone, to feel like what you are going through is normal and learn from that. My role is also along the same lines, to normalize those feelings and learn how to effectively cope with them. But it is one step more, to give you support and help you grow from the situation, learn from it and move forward.

Even if I do share the same experience with you, it’s not the same experience. For instance let’s say you had a grandparent die and you are having a hard time coping with this loss. I have been there too, but your relationship with your grandparent is probably vastly different than the one I had with mine. So even though the situation was the same, the circumstances are not. I will offer a comfortable place to talk, to tell me your story and your experience and develop goals to get you to where you want to be. To see a counselor is to know that the hour you see this person, is YOUR time, it is about YOUR experiences and getting YOUR life back on track.