I've become my own pet peeve........

Happy New Year almost a month late!!! Hope everyone is at least attempting to stay warm and you are hanging in there until spring actually arrives in full force!!

So, it's me here again...once again saying that an update is a wee bit overdue. When I started this blog, I had much better hopes for myself and now that I look back, I realize that I have become that blogger who gets on my own nerves! I used to follow a few blogs that I really enjoyed, and then they just stopped posting updates. I wonder if those people, like myself, had higher hopes in regular posts? Did life get in the way just a little, like my own? Where there other priorities that took precedence? I know that was my excuse for not keeping up with this. But here I am again, with a renewed desire to keep up with updating this. I still have people from time to time asking me about another update. So once again, I am going to prioritize my priority.

The fact is, I really do enjoy helping people and hearing their stories and assisting them on their way to a better life. I love my job and have a strong belief that everyone could benefit from counseling at some point in their life. Therefore, in my effort to hit a jump start on updating this again, I am going back to a post I wrote a while ago, outlining exactly what it is that I do. Hopefully it will help answer some questions for you, give you a little jump start to seek out the help that you might need, or to reach out to and encourage a friend that might benefit from seeing a counselor. Call me, we can chat, if I am not the perfect match for you, I will help you find someone who is. And please, if you have had negative experiences in counseling before, PLEASE don't give up on the benefits of it, find a counselor who is a good fit for you, you deserve it for yourself!

As always, I welcome and encourage your comments and here's to not hoping, but KNOWING you will be hearing from me a lot more often this year!!!

And hang in there, I just know the groundhog will give us very good news this weekend!!!!!

http://www.lindadenisonlpc.blogspot.com/2011/11/so-now-what-do-you-do.html

Your Brain...Retrained

"If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything. "

Ernest Hemingway

As I scroll through Facebook, I truly admire all the people I know who make the commitment to take place in many different running activities. Whether it's a 5K, half marathon, or running across the country like Forrest Gump, I'm impressed! I know that these things don't come easy, you have to train your body to be able to take part in really any form of exercise. You don't set out to run that 5K in one day, your body needs to be conditioned to do so. In the beginning it's hard, but then becomes easier and easier and you find yourself being able to do things you didn't think possible. 

The same holds true for our brain. And as the above quote says, you CAN train yourself not to worry. It takes time and commitment and often times help from someone else. I have had a large increase of individuals coming to me lately with anxiety over the "What If's" They are plagued with constant worry over things that "might" happen. And most likely a large percentage of the time, the what ifs never ever happen. It won't happen overnight and set backs are going to be there, but it is possible to be free of anxiety and worry. Honestly, it's easier to deal with the bad things in life after they happen. So here's my shameless plug for the counseling profession once again, if this is something you are dealing with, please seek out help. This is what we are here for, to help you find the tools within yourself to get over the constant worry and enjoy the things that are happening NOW!!! 

Call for a phone consultation if you would like, I am here and ready to help! And if I'm not the one to help, I can help you find someone who will be able to get your life on track! Reach me at 636-447-1902.

Over a Decade Later, Grief is Still a Funny Thing

On this day 13 years ago, we lost the man that should have been my father in law. It seems like yesterday and forever ago all wrapped into one. In the first few years, I used to worry about my husband on this day each year, thinking and assuming it was automatically going to be a rough day. But I soon learned both personally and professionally, that grief is funny that way. It hits when you least expect it. Yes, anniversaries are important and can be rough, but also don't be surprised when it smacks you square in the face. Just know that what you are feeling when someone dies, is all completely normal and part of the process. I don't think I can say it enough, there are no rules to how you are supposed to act when someone dies. 

I realized today, that I was experiencing a different type of grief. When he died, I was only dating my husband, we weren't yet engaged and I didn't know his dad all that well.  For most of that time prior to his death, I was away at college and didn't spend large quantities of time with him. When he died suddenly, I was consumed with being there for my husband, as at the age of 24, he was dealing with completely uncharted territory. But now I get really sad and angry thinking about certain situations, and even after 13 years, it still hits me when I least expect it.  I was cheated out of having a father in law, and getting to know one of the most important people to my husband. My two little girls don't get to know him either and I know for a fact that they would have been an amazing part of his life. I can only imagine the great and not so great things he would have taught them, as from what I remember, he has a great sense of humor, especially when it came to kids. So for me, my grief is for the man that I should have known much much better. Grief isn't always about the people closest to you, it's also about the people that you should have known for a very long time. So right now, I feel the best thing that I can do is talk about the good memories I do have of him and make sure that my daughters get to know the man they would have called Grandpa Denison. Here's a toast to you Willie!!

Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude....

Oh my, has it really been this long since my last post?!?! Yup, sure has been! I do have a few excuses for that lapse, to be explained here in just a few. Thanks so much for all of you who might have been checking back for an update! Here's to another pledge to update this a little better!

Anyway, one of the main reasons I have lapsed, is that I have moved office locations!! I am quite excited to be closer to home and I am loving my new place. So my new info is as follows...
I am now in St. Charles off of Highway 94, near the Page extension/Muegge Road.  The official address is
2440 Executive Drive  Suite 210
St. Charles, MO  63303
Phone and Fax: 636-447-1902

So there is my change in latitude....as for my change in attitude, that's a bit more involved...

I had my second child almost two years ago and whoa was that a shock to my world. She completely changed my whole life in getting used to new schedules, new routines, having two people to get out the door in the morning etc..It's a year and a half later and I felt like I was still in the adjustment period. I was tired, grumpy, probably a wee bit hormonal and not the happiest lady on the planet. I chalked it up to major changes in my life and dealt with it. It's such a dilemma to love life and be unhappy and tired all at the same time. Due to a few other life circumstances recently that really tested my mental stamina, I realized that maybe something might not be right. So I made an appointment to see the doctor to rule out anything physical. I got what I expected at first, that I was probably just a tired mom with two young kids. But the doctor also did some blood work and lo and behold, they found I had a pretty significant vitamin D deficiency. NO WONDER I was dragging and moody!
So long story short, I got a prescription for helping this deficiency (not to mention spending more time with my kids outside as it is a medical necessity now) and I am feeling a million times better! Who knew?!?!?

So I ask you this, when is that last time that you ignored something possibly significant, because life was in the way, or you thought it was probably nothing?? Your physical health and mental health are linked sooo closely together and I would encourage you to talk to your doctor if something is not quite right. Sure it might be nothing physical (and in that case I can help you through that other stuff) but what if it is something that might be able to be addressed? Your doctor doesn't possibly know what's going on unless you make that appointment and tell them!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful start to summer and I look forward to hearing your comments to this and many, many more posts in the upcoming weeks!!!!

I Really Feel For The Men in This World Sometimes….

My husband deserves a medal…sometimes. He is living in a house with three females. He’s outnumbered and I really worry about the hormonal mess our house will become in the years to come. He’s even joked about starting a club for fathers of only girls, which I can’t say is a bad idea. I’ll be sure to keep you posted if that ever happens.

Ok, to the point. The other day our sweet almost six year old was having a rough day. She was tired, things were not going her way and she was crying over something (I don’t remember the details as it happens often) and my husband attempted to talk to her and calm her down. Her response to him was “I don’t know why I’m crying!”

Welcome to womanhood kid, and she’s only six. As I said, I fear our house in a few short years with two girls! I took over the situation, as I know firsthand that feeling, and tried to explain later to my husband that sometimes female just have so much emotion, we don’t always know why the tears come or when they will end, or how soon until the next round. From the male point of view, that is the most foreign thing to even enter their mind. I wish I had a better way to explain it to help all you guys out there when your loved one is experiencing the same thing, but I don’t. However, I came across this quote the other day that sums it up best. So here is your food for thought on this Tuesday:

“Women Are Meant To Be Loved, Not To Be Understood”

By Oscar Wilde

So for all you men trying to understand women, it will never happen. Heck we don’t even understand ourselves half the time, but you fell in love with us for a reason and showing us love is the best thing you can do.

Have a great week everyone and thanks for reading!

Children and Grief

We have some very sweet elderly neighbors, Jack and Jill (it goes without saying that names have been changed). Sadly, Jack passed away a few weeks ago, after being on life support for a few days. My six year daughter did not really know Jack, but did overhear my husband and I discussing the situation. In her short six years, she is no stranger to people going to heaven and more on that in a minute, but my husband and I explained to her that Jack was sick and went to heaven. Her sweet self responded that “Jack will like it in heaven”. She went on to ask “If Jill dies, who will take care of her dog?” (we had been filling in taking care of Jack and Jill’s’ dog while Jack was in the hospital.)

My heart melted and reminded me of how black and white children can sometimes be about things as difficult to explain as death and dying. There always seems to be a big question about how to talk to children about death. Do you ignore it, do you approach the subject, and how do you say the things that need to be said? I really wish that I had all the answers, but hopefully this will help shed a little light for you in this area, should it come up. Obviously, things really depend on the child’s age and developmental stage, so please take what I say here as some general guidelines and as usual, there are exceptions and circumstances to every situation.

Be honest with them, but keep it basic. I told my daughter that Jack was sick and went to heaven. Short, sweet and to the point. However, I immediately followed up with saying that just because someone is sick, they don’t always die. They don’t need to be scared that the next time they or a close family member catches a cold that it’s terminal. I also added that even though Jack was in the hospital, lots of people go to the hospital and don’t end up going to heaven, as mommy did when I had her little sister. Give them real life examples of thing going right. Trust me, their little minds are working faster than you can imagine and you don’t want them to worry about things we might not consider.

Don’t tell them that a person is “sleeping”. This is especially true if a child attends a wake where there is a viewing. There will then be a chance that they will be afraid that someone they love will go to sleep forever and thus be afraid to sleep themselves. Again, be direct, but in simple terms. Reinforce that the person is in heaven and won’t be coming back. Yes, it can be so hard to say that in such specific ways, but that is how kids make sense of this world.  Younger children are very black and white on these kinds of things and keeping it simple is key.

Bring the child to the services, wake etc dependent on the circumstances and the age of the child. And by circumstances, I mean how close was the child to the deceased? I don’t believe they need to be exposed to a funeral of great aunt Edna if they have never met her or had any contact with her. However, a grandparent who they have spent a lot of time with is completely different. But put it on their level. Consider taking them to a wake for a very limited time. Or not go to the funeral, but the gathering afterwards. There are no set rules to this, but bottom line is that if a loved one of a child dies, that child will be impacted and they need to be included on some level that is appropriate to them.

My mother in law passed away when my daughter was three months shy of turning two. She knew her Grandma at the time, but now doesn't remember her. Grandma was a very big part of her life up until her passing and we strive to make sure she knows all about her Grandma. We keep things simple, talking about her when she sees a picture of Grandma Denison and that she is now an angel looking down on my daughter. Questions about Grandma are sporadic, but they come up and we answer them as best as we can. Our daughter is a sweet reminder of the innocence of children and their views on death. She told me the other day that “Grandma lives in our hearts”. That is not something that I remember saying specifically to her, but it’s what her mind has gathered from the situation. However, her mind does still go to that concrete thinking, as I remember a conversation not too long ago when my husband was talking about his mom and our daughter innocently said “Daddy, you remember she is dead right?” Thanks for the reminder kid…..

But bottom line is that there is no rule book on this one. Every situation is different, but my advice to you is to keep it simple, direct and honest. If they ask questions, answer them the best you can and be sensitive to their age. I compare it to the every challenging “birds and bees” conversation. Their minds are working so hard to try to figure out this crazy world and being honest is the best way to go, but keeping it on their level is so very important.

And please note that this is only touching the surface of children and grief. I kept it pretty simple and obviously there are situations that are considerably more complex that what I am talking about. If that’s the case for you and you are struggling on how to approach your children on this subject, call me, I would be happy to talk with your further about a specific situation. There are so many resources out there regarding this subject, so take the time to search them out in books or on the internet (from a reputable source of course).

As always, I welcome your comments, suggestions, concerns etc. Thanks again for reading!!!

To All Those People I Know in Some Way Shape or Form

Over the years I have had a small handful of people that I know contact me about counseling and that they are looking for someone to see.  Most people say something to the effect of, I’m looking for a counselor and wondering if you could recommend someone. They usually end with, I would come to you, but that might be weird.

And yes, it would. Well, maybe weird is not the best word, but not the point. Counseling is obviously a pretty personal thing to enter into. You want someone who knows nothing about you to get the best possible treatment and help that you can get. Counselors universally will not take anyone on as a client that they know prior to entering the counseling relationship. It’s not appropriate and not going to be beneficial to the client.

My point is, I know a lot of people I know read this blog (and I GREATLY appreciate it!) But if you are on the fence of seeing someone, contact me and I would be more than happy to help out. I have plenty of other trusted counselors in this field that I regularly refer to when needed. And please be assured that anything that I do on a professional basis is just that, professional. Your contact with me is kept completely confidential and I am more than happy to help!!

Stay tuned in the near future for an amazing post about how to find a counselor that will suit your needs the best!