The Counselor's Quarantine Instead of Corner?????

Well, this is probably as good as time as any to take this blog out of hiding. I can’t believe it’s been so long since my last promise of updating here more. It certainly makes me think of how funny time is and that I have always “meant to” hop back on here, I never made the time. Now we are in that place where we are taking a large step back at how we are spending our time with social distancing and we are faced with the challenge of completely reorganizing our time. I could take the time to revamp the way this blog looks and all that other stuff, but I feel that content is a more important use of my brain power and time than figuring out how to bring the layout forward six years from where I last left off.

We are in a weird spot, right? I have ALWAYS hated the V word. When I would take the kids to the doctor when they were much younger and the doctor would say, it’s just a virus, I would tell him, keep looking, we need to find something with a definitive way to end what is going on. He didn’t always appreciate my sad attempt at humor, but I didn’t care. Where we are in the world right now is the damn V word. I hate viruses. Hate them. I hate them the most right now. This is the mother ship of all viruses. We are scared, we are nervous, we are stuck inside with too many minutes in front of us. Natural disasters are horrible, but there is also a definitive beginning and end. We have a time frame of preparing, enduring and then recovering. We aren’t in that spot right now and with no definite end in sight and our brains are so stinking confused.

While on some level I can appreciate the social reset for myself and my family but only to an extent. It’s nice not to be rushed every single morning. It’s nice not to shuffle kids to 8 different activities each night. Funny how I would give my left arm right now to go watch a soccer game. I absolutely try to draw the positive out of any situation no matter how small. Our brains are for some reason so drawn to only focusing on the negative that the positive is a challenge to see. Our mental health is being put through unprecedented challenges right now. My hope for everyone is that you take time to step back, acknowledge this and accept that your emotions and feeling are literally going to be all over the place as we try to adjust to a whole new way of living. My hope is that we genuinely realize that taking care of ourselves needs to be a top priority. Even if that means hiding in the bathroom for a few extra minutes to regroup (guilty, but necessary). My hope is that we learn to appreciate others a whole lot more than we have been. My hope is that as much as we might hate it at times, we listen to our officials and not be dumb and be around lots of people. It can greatly shorten the time we have to do this!!

While I am adjusting to an entire new way of doing business, I am adapting. I am going to accept that hiccups will come. My clients might hear my kids fighting in the background, despite efforts of completely sound proofing how I work inside my house. We are all learning a whole new way to live, work, parent and deal with uncharted territory. But a great part of my job is getting to see every single day how resilient humans are. I have heard people’s darkest, grossest moments and yet they are still here.  Most people feel so isolated in these times and maybe the best silver lining is that no one should feel alone right now. We are ALL going through this together. And we will get through it, I know it. It might get yuckier before it gets better. It might not.

So, in closing of these rambles of thoughts as I reignite this blog, my hope is to share ideas, thoughts, and whatever else comes to my mind to help us all get through this ordeal. Anything you might want me to touch on? Leave a comment or message me. I like hearing from people, now more than ever!!

Virtual hugs, lots of good vibes, positive thoughts and gratitude to our healthcare workers, first responders and store clerks who are I am sure beyond exhausted, and to all of you. We will get through this.

Please Don't Wait Until the Bags are Packed!!!!

A small amount of my practice is seeing couples. The majority of those couples are the ones who are pretty much checked out of the marriage and someone is already meeting with lawyers. I do have, from time to time, the couples who come in who are truly committed to making things work. They realize they have hit a bit of a rough patch, are having communication issues, or just not making their relationship a priority. I commend these people greatly. There is that idea that couples counseling is only for those who are having serious issues. Sadly, the people that already have the bags packed and not going to benefit as much from counseling as those who are not there yet. They are mentally checked out already.

Every single relationship has problems. It doesn't mean that things have to be over. Having the benefit of an unbiased third party can be invaluable to your relationship. You owe yourself that.

Let's face it, you don't wait until you are dying to finally see a doctor for the very first time, shouldn't your relationship have the same importance as your health?

Happy Friday everyone!!!!!!

I've become my own pet peeve........

Happy New Year almost a month late!!! Hope everyone is at least attempting to stay warm and you are hanging in there until spring actually arrives in full force!!

So, it's me here again...once again saying that an update is a wee bit overdue. When I started this blog, I had much better hopes for myself and now that I look back, I realize that I have become that blogger who gets on my own nerves! I used to follow a few blogs that I really enjoyed, and then they just stopped posting updates. I wonder if those people, like myself, had higher hopes in regular posts? Did life get in the way just a little, like my own? Where there other priorities that took precedence? I know that was my excuse for not keeping up with this. But here I am again, with a renewed desire to keep up with updating this. I still have people from time to time asking me about another update. So once again, I am going to prioritize my priority.

The fact is, I really do enjoy helping people and hearing their stories and assisting them on their way to a better life. I love my job and have a strong belief that everyone could benefit from counseling at some point in their life. Therefore, in my effort to hit a jump start on updating this again, I am going back to a post I wrote a while ago, outlining exactly what it is that I do. Hopefully it will help answer some questions for you, give you a little jump start to seek out the help that you might need, or to reach out to and encourage a friend that might benefit from seeing a counselor. Call me, we can chat, if I am not the perfect match for you, I will help you find someone who is. And please, if you have had negative experiences in counseling before, PLEASE don't give up on the benefits of it, find a counselor who is a good fit for you, you deserve it for yourself!

As always, I welcome and encourage your comments and here's to not hoping, but KNOWING you will be hearing from me a lot more often this year!!!

And hang in there, I just know the groundhog will give us very good news this weekend!!!!!

http://www.lindadenisonlpc.blogspot.com/2011/11/so-now-what-do-you-do.html

Your Brain...Retrained

"If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything. "

Ernest Hemingway

As I scroll through Facebook, I truly admire all the people I know who make the commitment to take place in many different running activities. Whether it's a 5K, half marathon, or running across the country like Forrest Gump, I'm impressed! I know that these things don't come easy, you have to train your body to be able to take part in really any form of exercise. You don't set out to run that 5K in one day, your body needs to be conditioned to do so. In the beginning it's hard, but then becomes easier and easier and you find yourself being able to do things you didn't think possible. 

The same holds true for our brain. And as the above quote says, you CAN train yourself not to worry. It takes time and commitment and often times help from someone else. I have had a large increase of individuals coming to me lately with anxiety over the "What If's" They are plagued with constant worry over things that "might" happen. And most likely a large percentage of the time, the what ifs never ever happen. It won't happen overnight and set backs are going to be there, but it is possible to be free of anxiety and worry. Honestly, it's easier to deal with the bad things in life after they happen. So here's my shameless plug for the counseling profession once again, if this is something you are dealing with, please seek out help. This is what we are here for, to help you find the tools within yourself to get over the constant worry and enjoy the things that are happening NOW!!! 

Call for a phone consultation if you would like, I am here and ready to help! And if I'm not the one to help, I can help you find someone who will be able to get your life on track! Reach me at 636-447-1902.

Over a Decade Later, Grief is Still a Funny Thing

On this day 13 years ago, we lost the man that should have been my father in law. It seems like yesterday and forever ago all wrapped into one. In the first few years, I used to worry about my husband on this day each year, thinking and assuming it was automatically going to be a rough day. But I soon learned both personally and professionally, that grief is funny that way. It hits when you least expect it. Yes, anniversaries are important and can be rough, but also don't be surprised when it smacks you square in the face. Just know that what you are feeling when someone dies, is all completely normal and part of the process. I don't think I can say it enough, there are no rules to how you are supposed to act when someone dies. 

I realized today, that I was experiencing a different type of grief. When he died, I was only dating my husband, we weren't yet engaged and I didn't know his dad all that well.  For most of that time prior to his death, I was away at college and didn't spend large quantities of time with him. When he died suddenly, I was consumed with being there for my husband, as at the age of 24, he was dealing with completely uncharted territory. But now I get really sad and angry thinking about certain situations, and even after 13 years, it still hits me when I least expect it.  I was cheated out of having a father in law, and getting to know one of the most important people to my husband. My two little girls don't get to know him either and I know for a fact that they would have been an amazing part of his life. I can only imagine the great and not so great things he would have taught them, as from what I remember, he has a great sense of humor, especially when it came to kids. So for me, my grief is for the man that I should have known much much better. Grief isn't always about the people closest to you, it's also about the people that you should have known for a very long time. So right now, I feel the best thing that I can do is talk about the good memories I do have of him and make sure that my daughters get to know the man they would have called Grandpa Denison. Here's a toast to you Willie!!

Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude....

Oh my, has it really been this long since my last post?!?! Yup, sure has been! I do have a few excuses for that lapse, to be explained here in just a few. Thanks so much for all of you who might have been checking back for an update! Here's to another pledge to update this a little better!

Anyway, one of the main reasons I have lapsed, is that I have moved office locations!! I am quite excited to be closer to home and I am loving my new place. So my new info is as follows...
I am now in St. Charles off of Highway 94, near the Page extension/Muegge Road.  The official address is
2440 Executive Drive  Suite 210
St. Charles, MO  63303
Phone and Fax: 636-447-1902

So there is my change in latitude....as for my change in attitude, that's a bit more involved...

I had my second child almost two years ago and whoa was that a shock to my world. She completely changed my whole life in getting used to new schedules, new routines, having two people to get out the door in the morning etc..It's a year and a half later and I felt like I was still in the adjustment period. I was tired, grumpy, probably a wee bit hormonal and not the happiest lady on the planet. I chalked it up to major changes in my life and dealt with it. It's such a dilemma to love life and be unhappy and tired all at the same time. Due to a few other life circumstances recently that really tested my mental stamina, I realized that maybe something might not be right. So I made an appointment to see the doctor to rule out anything physical. I got what I expected at first, that I was probably just a tired mom with two young kids. But the doctor also did some blood work and lo and behold, they found I had a pretty significant vitamin D deficiency. NO WONDER I was dragging and moody!
So long story short, I got a prescription for helping this deficiency (not to mention spending more time with my kids outside as it is a medical necessity now) and I am feeling a million times better! Who knew?!?!?

So I ask you this, when is that last time that you ignored something possibly significant, because life was in the way, or you thought it was probably nothing?? Your physical health and mental health are linked sooo closely together and I would encourage you to talk to your doctor if something is not quite right. Sure it might be nothing physical (and in that case I can help you through that other stuff) but what if it is something that might be able to be addressed? Your doctor doesn't possibly know what's going on unless you make that appointment and tell them!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful start to summer and I look forward to hearing your comments to this and many, many more posts in the upcoming weeks!!!!

I Really Feel For The Men in This World Sometimes….

My husband deserves a medal…sometimes. He is living in a house with three females. He’s outnumbered and I really worry about the hormonal mess our house will become in the years to come. He’s even joked about starting a club for fathers of only girls, which I can’t say is a bad idea. I’ll be sure to keep you posted if that ever happens.

Ok, to the point. The other day our sweet almost six year old was having a rough day. She was tired, things were not going her way and she was crying over something (I don’t remember the details as it happens often) and my husband attempted to talk to her and calm her down. Her response to him was “I don’t know why I’m crying!”

Welcome to womanhood kid, and she’s only six. As I said, I fear our house in a few short years with two girls! I took over the situation, as I know firsthand that feeling, and tried to explain later to my husband that sometimes female just have so much emotion, we don’t always know why the tears come or when they will end, or how soon until the next round. From the male point of view, that is the most foreign thing to even enter their mind. I wish I had a better way to explain it to help all you guys out there when your loved one is experiencing the same thing, but I don’t. However, I came across this quote the other day that sums it up best. So here is your food for thought on this Tuesday:

“Women Are Meant To Be Loved, Not To Be Understood”

By Oscar Wilde

So for all you men trying to understand women, it will never happen. Heck we don’t even understand ourselves half the time, but you fell in love with us for a reason and showing us love is the best thing you can do.

Have a great week everyone and thanks for reading!