Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude....

Oh my, has it really been this long since my last post?!?! Yup, sure has been! I do have a few excuses for that lapse, to be explained here in just a few. Thanks so much for all of you who might have been checking back for an update! Here's to another pledge to update this a little better!

Anyway, one of the main reasons I have lapsed, is that I have moved office locations!! I am quite excited to be closer to home and I am loving my new place. So my new info is as follows...
I am now in St. Charles off of Highway 94, near the Page extension/Muegge Road.  The official address is
2440 Executive Drive  Suite 210
St. Charles, MO  63303
Phone and Fax: 636-447-1902

So there is my change in latitude....as for my change in attitude, that's a bit more involved...

I had my second child almost two years ago and whoa was that a shock to my world. She completely changed my whole life in getting used to new schedules, new routines, having two people to get out the door in the morning etc..It's a year and a half later and I felt like I was still in the adjustment period. I was tired, grumpy, probably a wee bit hormonal and not the happiest lady on the planet. I chalked it up to major changes in my life and dealt with it. It's such a dilemma to love life and be unhappy and tired all at the same time. Due to a few other life circumstances recently that really tested my mental stamina, I realized that maybe something might not be right. So I made an appointment to see the doctor to rule out anything physical. I got what I expected at first, that I was probably just a tired mom with two young kids. But the doctor also did some blood work and lo and behold, they found I had a pretty significant vitamin D deficiency. NO WONDER I was dragging and moody!
So long story short, I got a prescription for helping this deficiency (not to mention spending more time with my kids outside as it is a medical necessity now) and I am feeling a million times better! Who knew?!?!?

So I ask you this, when is that last time that you ignored something possibly significant, because life was in the way, or you thought it was probably nothing?? Your physical health and mental health are linked sooo closely together and I would encourage you to talk to your doctor if something is not quite right. Sure it might be nothing physical (and in that case I can help you through that other stuff) but what if it is something that might be able to be addressed? Your doctor doesn't possibly know what's going on unless you make that appointment and tell them!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful start to summer and I look forward to hearing your comments to this and many, many more posts in the upcoming weeks!!!!

I Really Feel For The Men in This World Sometimes….

My husband deserves a medal…sometimes. He is living in a house with three females. He’s outnumbered and I really worry about the hormonal mess our house will become in the years to come. He’s even joked about starting a club for fathers of only girls, which I can’t say is a bad idea. I’ll be sure to keep you posted if that ever happens.

Ok, to the point. The other day our sweet almost six year old was having a rough day. She was tired, things were not going her way and she was crying over something (I don’t remember the details as it happens often) and my husband attempted to talk to her and calm her down. Her response to him was “I don’t know why I’m crying!”

Welcome to womanhood kid, and she’s only six. As I said, I fear our house in a few short years with two girls! I took over the situation, as I know firsthand that feeling, and tried to explain later to my husband that sometimes female just have so much emotion, we don’t always know why the tears come or when they will end, or how soon until the next round. From the male point of view, that is the most foreign thing to even enter their mind. I wish I had a better way to explain it to help all you guys out there when your loved one is experiencing the same thing, but I don’t. However, I came across this quote the other day that sums it up best. So here is your food for thought on this Tuesday:

“Women Are Meant To Be Loved, Not To Be Understood”

By Oscar Wilde

So for all you men trying to understand women, it will never happen. Heck we don’t even understand ourselves half the time, but you fell in love with us for a reason and showing us love is the best thing you can do.

Have a great week everyone and thanks for reading!

Children and Grief

We have some very sweet elderly neighbors, Jack and Jill (it goes without saying that names have been changed). Sadly, Jack passed away a few weeks ago, after being on life support for a few days. My six year daughter did not really know Jack, but did overhear my husband and I discussing the situation. In her short six years, she is no stranger to people going to heaven and more on that in a minute, but my husband and I explained to her that Jack was sick and went to heaven. Her sweet self responded that “Jack will like it in heaven”. She went on to ask “If Jill dies, who will take care of her dog?” (we had been filling in taking care of Jack and Jill’s’ dog while Jack was in the hospital.)

My heart melted and reminded me of how black and white children can sometimes be about things as difficult to explain as death and dying. There always seems to be a big question about how to talk to children about death. Do you ignore it, do you approach the subject, and how do you say the things that need to be said? I really wish that I had all the answers, but hopefully this will help shed a little light for you in this area, should it come up. Obviously, things really depend on the child’s age and developmental stage, so please take what I say here as some general guidelines and as usual, there are exceptions and circumstances to every situation.

Be honest with them, but keep it basic. I told my daughter that Jack was sick and went to heaven. Short, sweet and to the point. However, I immediately followed up with saying that just because someone is sick, they don’t always die. They don’t need to be scared that the next time they or a close family member catches a cold that it’s terminal. I also added that even though Jack was in the hospital, lots of people go to the hospital and don’t end up going to heaven, as mommy did when I had her little sister. Give them real life examples of thing going right. Trust me, their little minds are working faster than you can imagine and you don’t want them to worry about things we might not consider.

Don’t tell them that a person is “sleeping”. This is especially true if a child attends a wake where there is a viewing. There will then be a chance that they will be afraid that someone they love will go to sleep forever and thus be afraid to sleep themselves. Again, be direct, but in simple terms. Reinforce that the person is in heaven and won’t be coming back. Yes, it can be so hard to say that in such specific ways, but that is how kids make sense of this world.  Younger children are very black and white on these kinds of things and keeping it simple is key.

Bring the child to the services, wake etc dependent on the circumstances and the age of the child. And by circumstances, I mean how close was the child to the deceased? I don’t believe they need to be exposed to a funeral of great aunt Edna if they have never met her or had any contact with her. However, a grandparent who they have spent a lot of time with is completely different. But put it on their level. Consider taking them to a wake for a very limited time. Or not go to the funeral, but the gathering afterwards. There are no set rules to this, but bottom line is that if a loved one of a child dies, that child will be impacted and they need to be included on some level that is appropriate to them.

My mother in law passed away when my daughter was three months shy of turning two. She knew her Grandma at the time, but now doesn't remember her. Grandma was a very big part of her life up until her passing and we strive to make sure she knows all about her Grandma. We keep things simple, talking about her when she sees a picture of Grandma Denison and that she is now an angel looking down on my daughter. Questions about Grandma are sporadic, but they come up and we answer them as best as we can. Our daughter is a sweet reminder of the innocence of children and their views on death. She told me the other day that “Grandma lives in our hearts”. That is not something that I remember saying specifically to her, but it’s what her mind has gathered from the situation. However, her mind does still go to that concrete thinking, as I remember a conversation not too long ago when my husband was talking about his mom and our daughter innocently said “Daddy, you remember she is dead right?” Thanks for the reminder kid…..

But bottom line is that there is no rule book on this one. Every situation is different, but my advice to you is to keep it simple, direct and honest. If they ask questions, answer them the best you can and be sensitive to their age. I compare it to the every challenging “birds and bees” conversation. Their minds are working so hard to try to figure out this crazy world and being honest is the best way to go, but keeping it on their level is so very important.

And please note that this is only touching the surface of children and grief. I kept it pretty simple and obviously there are situations that are considerably more complex that what I am talking about. If that’s the case for you and you are struggling on how to approach your children on this subject, call me, I would be happy to talk with your further about a specific situation. There are so many resources out there regarding this subject, so take the time to search them out in books or on the internet (from a reputable source of course).

As always, I welcome your comments, suggestions, concerns etc. Thanks again for reading!!!

To All Those People I Know in Some Way Shape or Form

Over the years I have had a small handful of people that I know contact me about counseling and that they are looking for someone to see.  Most people say something to the effect of, I’m looking for a counselor and wondering if you could recommend someone. They usually end with, I would come to you, but that might be weird.

And yes, it would. Well, maybe weird is not the best word, but not the point. Counseling is obviously a pretty personal thing to enter into. You want someone who knows nothing about you to get the best possible treatment and help that you can get. Counselors universally will not take anyone on as a client that they know prior to entering the counseling relationship. It’s not appropriate and not going to be beneficial to the client.

My point is, I know a lot of people I know read this blog (and I GREATLY appreciate it!) But if you are on the fence of seeing someone, contact me and I would be more than happy to help out. I have plenty of other trusted counselors in this field that I regularly refer to when needed. And please be assured that anything that I do on a professional basis is just that, professional. Your contact with me is kept completely confidential and I am more than happy to help!!

Stay tuned in the near future for an amazing post about how to find a counselor that will suit your needs the best! 

Just a Quote for the Day

I came across this other day and it’s something along the lines of what I attempt to assist my clients with on a pretty regular basis. And I’m not going to lie; I am guilty of it as well…

“There are two primary choices in life; to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them”  by Denis Waitley

Face it we are all human and it’s so much easier to sometimes complain about our current situation than it is to take the time and energy to make changes. This is a topic I could go on and on about for a while, but I am going to keep it pretty short and sweet tonight.  And I am pretty sure I have touched on this topic on here before, but I believe it to be something we all need to be reminded of time to time. Change isn't always fun and not always easy, but when it comes down to it, it’s the only way your situation will change. But like the quote says, you have that choice. You are the ONLY one to make changes, don’t wait for your kids to change, your spouse, your friend, your boss, you get the idea. Either change your actions or your perspective, but it is your choice. And if you don’t make that choice, then nothing is ever going to change.

And that’s my thought for the day! I am still hoping to update this a few times a week,  and it looks like some weeks, it might be more like once a week as things are getting a little more hectic for me. As I say just about every time, I love your feedback, so feel free to leave comments or suggestions, I love to hear them! Happy Wednesday to everyone, only two more days to the weekend, hang in there!!

Another New Year is Upon Us, Happy 2013!!

So here we are with another new year upon us. Have you made a resolution? Do you make a resolution every year that lasts a whole day or maybe a week like the majority of us? Do you think resolutions are good, bad, or indifferent? Is the start of a new year really something that means something to you? I am tossed on the whole subject. I love the idea of a new start and thinking about what might transpire in the turning of a calendar page. However, it’s not always that easy.

Personally, when I look back on 2012, I feel so very fortunate. My husband pointed out that we were fortunate enough to have not attended a funeral in 2012.  We were so lucky to continue to watch our children grow, learn, make us laugh, make us crazy and also realize how our relationship with each other can be tested from time to time.

I understand that there are so many people who did not have such a great year. Funerals were attended, relationships were tested and our children surely made us just a little crazy (and that is not just the people with kids living at home, even adult children can make parents just a little crazy too). But regardless of what is going on, my resolution (and some serious fingers crossed here) is to update this blog about three times a week on the topics of grief, parenting and relationships.  I completely understand that these topics don’t pertain to everyone at the surface. But they do. I am talking about the relationships we have with anyone. I am talking about being a parent to a person of any age. Grief is not just about death; it’s also about the things in our life we don’t have that we want. For instance, the baby you might be praying for, the relationship you wish you had, the person who was close to you and you aren't speaking to anymore… the list could go on and on. Regardless, these topics affect us all and I hope you read along this year.

I can’t take away the pain you might be feeling, but I can help you through it. I would love nothing more than to have more comments on here or other messages telling me what you want to hear about, that you agree or disagree, ideas for a new post on here, or of course that you might like to make an appointment to come see me in person! I am looking forward to a great year of new things for me both professionally and personally and wish the same for all of you!! Here is to an amazing 2013!!!

Choosing My Words Part Two

Choosing My Words Part Two

Well it has been one week since that horrific tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut. My heart breaks for everyone involved and they continue to be in my prayers. I definitely have many thoughts on why this happened and how to ensure it doesn't happen again. I do believe that mental health treatment in this country needs to be strengthened and the stigmas taken away. But I might have to save that soapbox for another day. I came across this on Face Book yesterday and it just seemed fitting in regards to what I posted yesterday. The things we grumble about are not important at all, but they seem to be the things that take up our time and energy. So please, hold your kids tight, appreciate their innocence, and in all the hustle and bustle of the next few days, please try to take a step back and take it all in and enjoy every moment!!! Happy Holidays to everyone!!!!!

"Another Mother's Prayer" Dedicated to the Newtown, CT Moms

I found a pair of dirty socks on the bathroom floor,
And gave thanks for the sweaty things behind the door.
I turned them right side out and it dawned on me,
From now on, I will, through other eyes see.
For the things that used to make me mad,
Have made me grateful and strangely glad…
The door left open, and the unmade bed,
Crumbs, bad grades and the uncombed head.
The smudges of blue toothpaste in the sink,
Endless questions and uniforms that stink.
The light that’s left on, and the bike that’s left out,
Lost hairbrushes and the Monday morning pout.
Weekend-eating science projects and homework that’s late,
The peanut butter that I have to scrub off the plate…
For sleepovers, Sharpie art, and cavities too,
I will say, oh Lord Jesus, thank You!
From now on I won’t be such a grouch,
About things like muddy shoes and popcorn under the couch.
For now I see… these are blessings in disguise,
Oh God help me to always see everything through Another Mother’s eyes.
WE WILL NOT FORGET YOUR BEAUTIFUL, PRECIOUS CHILDREN!