It All Began With The Toilet Seat...

When I first started this blog (I know, not that long ago) a family member of mine was joking when he suggested a good topic to be “Why does the toilet seat play a role in 98% of divorces”? At first, I laughed along, but the more I thought about it, it’s a good topic for here actually, so thanks for the suggestion! I doubt that this statistic is correct, as 98% of divorces is a pretty high number to be pegged to one thing like putting the seat up or down. I did Google it to see if it had any validity and found a vast amount of links out there of people discussing this very thing.

In all seriousness though, it’s not the toilet seat we are really talking about. It’s the breakdown in communication between couples that can be a main cause of relationship problems and divorce. It can start with something as simple as not putting the toilet seat down and snowball from there. That’s the funny thing about relationships; we tend to not talk about the things that bother us because it’s sometimes easier and after too long, people get in the groove of not talking about the things that matter. A wife might get tired of asking her husband to pick up his laundry off the floor, so she stops nagging and gets more and more irritated each time she picks up another dirty sock. “What’s the point in saying anything” she thinks and continues about her day. But then this habit of not saying anything and biting her tongue becomes the norm and then she is not talking to her spouse about the bigger issues in life, like her displeasure in her job, the stress of the children, money and the list can go on and on. Our spouses need to be our biggest cheering section, sounding board and source of support. But when we shut that person out, that relationship starts to weaken. It can be common to feel like our spouse should know when we are irritated and be able to pick up on these things. But let’s be real, we are busy, things are going on everyday, it can be hard to always pick up on our partner’s cues that they need to be listened to. It is up to the person in need of an ear to speak up and then set aside that time to talk to your spouse or partner. Because if too much time goes on and nobody is talking, then what happens? The questions of where did things go wrong; what happened to our marriage etc. might soon begin.

So, I am not at all encouraging more nagging to your spouse, I think we know how that can turn out. But if there is something like the toilet seat causing a problem in your relationship, then talk about it. Make a compromise or two and go from there. Sometimes just asking your spouse what is on their mind can do amazing things, as the things we think in our heads are sometimes much worse than the reality of the situation.  

Over the years, the majority of couples I have worked with have come to see me due to an issue of communication. It can be fixed with work from both people in the relationship. If you know someone in need of some assistance, give me a call, as sometimes a third party is very beneficial in working on effective communication with the person that is most important to you!

I hope everyone is have a great start to 2011 and would love to hear other ideas for topics if you have one!!

Love to Hear From You

Just a quick thought today...for those readers out there, I would love to hear your input, comments, suggestions etc about the topics here. Feel free to comment right on here in the comment section of each post, or you can also e-mail me confidentially at ldenison@lpcservicesstl.org
I look forward to hearing from you as we start off 2011!

It’s Almost the New Year, Let's Get Uncomfortable!

And all of the sudden we are saying good bye to 2010 and will be welcoming in 2011! Hard to believe it’s that time already as it seems like yesterday we were all worried about Y2K and that computers would be crashing everywhere and make life miserable for everyone. But as we all know, nothing happened and life went on as normal. I think that is true for many of us when making New Year’s resolutions. There is something about a having a brand new year ahead of us, a clean slate that makes us all want to make changes to ourselves and move ahead in a positive way. However, we are human and like the anticipation of Y2K, we take more time for these ideas to form than we do to put things into action. For instance, say you want to lose weight for the upcoming year. It’s a great resolution to have and a lot of people have much success with it. But if you are like me and many others I know, that momentum can take a turn and slow way down and before you know it, that resolution is forgotten and life returns to the old habits and the things that we are most comfortable with.

And that is just my point; we choose to be comfortable, because it's easy. It’s familiar and we know what to expect. This is so true for many areas of our life. Maybe we continue to have the same arguments with those we love, eat foods that are bad for us, stay in a job we don’t like, all because it’s what we know. The unexpected is a scary place, but can also be a place to consider in 2011! I challenge everyone to look at what is ‘comfortable, yet not working for you’ and think about making a change or two. Maybe it is your job that you are unhappy with. I realize that with the way the world is right now, leaving your job is a BIG leap, but what about taking a baby step, looking at the resume and fine tuning it, start talking to others about possible openings, peruse the want ads just to see what else might be out there? No harm in just looking and it can get your mind working to where you might want to be in the next year.

Need help with breaking your goals into baby steps? Give me a call, I would love to help you reach those goals you have for yourself in 2011 and work on not letting up on them come about January 15!( Because I know that’s when about my resolutions seem to lose steam!)  

I wish everyone an AMAZING 2011!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Just wanted to wish everyone a very Happy Holiday Season!! I sincerely wish nothing but the best for everyone as we finish up with 2010 and look forward to an amazing 2011! So no matter what you celebrate, who you are with, you deserve nothing but the best and here's to many happy memories to be made!

Being Selfish

Well, those are some words that usually come with a negative connotation! We tell ourselves and teach our children to share, to think of others first and to give of ourselves on a continuous basis. These are excellent traits to have, however, my question is, what’s wrong with being a little selfish from time to time?

It’s the holiday season right upon us and we are all just a little busy. Getting presents bought and wrapped, cooking, spending time with family, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry and the list can go on and on. It is so easy to get wrapped up in it all that we can sometimes tend to get a little stressed out and miss out on the “fun” of the season. 

My question is, what’s wrong with taking a little “me” time? We can be programmed to take care of everyone else’s needs first, and while that is not at all a bad thing, who is taking care of us? I challenge you to take an hour today or tomorrow and do something just for you! Read a book that has been sitting there, take a warm bath, take a walk, or shop for only yourself, watch a movie, whatever it might be that takes care of YOU!! You deserve it, you need it, you will be better in the end if you do! It’s true that when our stress levels are down, we are better able to tackle all the “necessary” things in our life and able to give more to others.  So I encourage you today (yes, the week before Christmas) to do something just for YOU! Be selfish, it’s okay!

Why go to counseling?

Entering counseling can sometimes be a difficult decision. A person might be struggling with many things and feel that working through them on their own is the ideal way to go. That can work out positively for many people, as we do know ourselves better than anyone else. However, what about those times that what we are doing is just not working? We keep making the same mistakes in our relationships with others or are struggling with things that we haven’t experienced before. Our friends and family can be valuable allies in this area, but have you ever thought that talking with someone who doesn’t know you, who doesn’t know your past? Having a comfortable and confidential environment, with a professional who can assist you in positive change can be the most beneficial place for making those changes in your life.

A counselor is a person to help you identify those strong areas of your personality that will help you make the changes you need and to work on the areas that might need a little fine tuning. The thing is, counseling can benefit everyone. An assumption of this is that something major has to happen, or it’s only for the “crazy” people. (A term I don’t use by the way, nor is anyone “normal”). We all have relationships in our life that cause us concern from time to time, grief, anxiety, depression, the list goes on and on. The question is, why struggle alone?

Counseling is about setting goals for yourself, working through those tough times and therefore improving your overall quality of life. It’s a fact stress can cause many problems in our physical health and instead of taking medications or jeopardizing your health, take a look at how you can improve your overall mental health.

If you’re still not sure, give me a call for a free phone consultation. Obviously if I already know you personally, I can’t enter a professional counseling relationship with you, but I do know many qualified therapists and would be happy to refer you to one of them.

Welcome!!

Thank you for taking a minute to view my blog! With over eight years of experience in the mental health field, I recently took the leap and went into private practice providing therapy services to individuals, couples and families. I am excited to be starting this new chapter in my life and to continue to assist people in coping with life and reaching the goals they have set for themselves. The purpose of this blog is to write about real life issues that we all face from time to time. I hope that the topics posted here will apply to many people and be beneficial to all. I look forward to updating this weekly and to hearing from readers everywhere! Thanks again for checking the blog out and look forward to many more posts to come!