Husbands, Boyfriends, Significant Others and All You Other Men Out There Trying To Figure Out Women

Okay, I admit, that title might have been a little bit misleading….but sorry men, you will never figure women out and once you think you have, something else will change that, trust me on that one. Anyway, I just wanted to talk about a little know fact that I think most men miss when trying to make the female in their life happy. 

I will try to make this short and to the point. Women just want to be appreciated. Bottom line. Yes, we are brought up to want a knight in shining armor, blah blah blah. But we know that reality steps in and that isn’t what we are going to end up with in the midst of jobs, families, laundry, cooking, cleaning etc. And we are okay with that, we really are. However, in the day to day life that takes over, we just want to be reminded that we are number one in your life.

And here’s the new flash……we don’t need a ten course meal with champagne and roses and a carriage ride to end the evening. And I say that because in talking to my dear hubby and other men I know, that’s what I am hearing. I have heard that men believe that to show their love, that is what it will take to please the woman in their life. Guess what, not the case. Not the case at all my friends….

Stop and buy a $10 bouquet of flowers on your way home from work.

Make an appointment for her to get a pedicure or manicure or something else she really enjoys and force her to leave the house. Bonus points for making that appointment for BEFORE the kids are in bed.

Buy her favorite candy, beverage, magazine etc and leave it in an unsuspecting place that you know she will find. Then leave her alone for 20 minutes to enjoy it.

Stop at Hallmark and pick up several cheap I Love You type cards and give them to her throughout the year.

Turn off the TV and ask her if she would like to do something besides just sit on the couch that night. Take a walk, sit on the deck and listen to music or anything else you like to do together.

My point is, it truly is the little things in life that mean the most. Trust me on this. I dare you all to try a little something this week and see what happens. I think you will be surprised!

Have a great week everyone and I hope to get back on here much more often. Let me know what you think. I don’t get offended easily, so any comments are welcomed. I would love to hear that you think I am genius, I don’t know anything, things you would like me to address on here etc. So leave a comment here, or e-mail me at ldenisonlpc@gmail.com.  Happy Memorial Day to you all!!!!!

This Makes Sooooo Much Sense!!!!

Well, this blog is still around. Again, no excuses on the ridiculous time lapse in posts, but once again, going to make an effort to start updating on a more consistent basis!
I received the link to this from someone I know about teaching our kids about strangers etc. I had one of those, "well duh" moments as it makes a lot more sense to me when talking to little ones about who they need to be aware of etc. I struggle with this topic personally quite a lot as it's such a fine line between wanting my children to be trusting of others, but not TOO trusting. Anyway, hope it's helpful and I hope that you all will hear from me again soon!!!!

http://www.checklistmommy.com/2012/02/09/tricky-people-are-the-new-strangers/

This is For All the Mom’s Out There (Husband’s You Should Read This Too!)

Well, it’s a brand new year once again. Time for making those resolutions that may or may not last and yes, I am guilty of making a few myself and not sticking to them like I should. But what I want to write about today is a topic that has been on my mind for quite some time and wanted to put on here.

When a woman becomes a mom her list of priorities grows exponentially. We love being moms, it’s the best thing in the world to rock a sleeping baby, kiss a boo boo, share in the joys of a game that was won etc. Our responsibilities grow from having more laundry, more shopping, more appointments to remember, and making time for our spouse. But how many of you mom’s out there, add to that list, time for you? Yes, that’s what I said, time for YOU!! Both personally and professionally this is something I hear about on an almost daily basis. I hear that as women, the priority of making time for you is nonexistent. It might happen at some point. Or I hear that there is guilt associated with actually leaving the house to do something by yourself that doesn’t involve helping the family, like grocery shopping or buying the kids new shoes. (Granted personally speaking, going to the grocery store by myself is a treat sometimes!) I became slightly addicted to pedicures when I was pregnant with my second child. It was a welcome treat when it was ridiculously hot outside and I got a little pampering and not to mention pretty toes when the rest of me felt less than pretty. However, every single time I went, I felt guilty. WHY?!?! And I know I am not alone, as I hear the same thing over and over again from other women in the same boat.

Don’t get me wrong, the guilt was all ME! I am so very lucky to have a husband who wants me to get out the house and do things for myself. I hear it from other husbands as well; they want their wives to do things for themselves. However, as I type I have a gift certificate for a massage that is currently collecting dust (that I received from supportive husband) because I have been unable to justify the two hours I would be gone to pamper myself and instead fill up my time with the things that “have” to get done.

It all comes down to this ladies; we can’t take care of those we love, unless we put ourselves first. Our husbands want us to do these things. So I encourage you to make a resolution this year to do things for YOU! I hear so many women say they wish they could go to the gym, get a mani/pedi, have a girl’s night, roam around a book store for an hour, find a new hobby and the list goes on and on. As mom’s we are so good at scheduling everything sometimes down to the minute for everyone else. Therefore, I challenge and encourage you to schedule some time for yourself. Start out small, try once a month for an hour. Leave the house, the husband, and the kids and have some time for you. Leave the guilt at home. Enjoy yourself, as you deserve more than anyone in this world. Being a mom and wife is very hard and in order to do that job, you need to come first sometimes. It might be a little hard at first, but trust me; it will make all the difference in the world.

I would love to hear the things that you are doing for yourself, so don’t hesitate to comment on here, it might push another mom out the door for the time that she deserves. And husbands, leave your comments to, I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic! I think I might log off here and go make that appointment for the massage that is so long overdue!  Happy New Year everyone, I truly hope it is a great year for you!

Happy Holidays!!!

Wow, so it’s officially twelve days until Christmas. It’s getting to be that crunch time where all those last minute details and shopping trips are being taken care of and we are preparing for all the holiday festivities that will soon be taking place. I sincerely hope that everyone has an amazing holiday season surrounded by those that are most important to you. But I have one short request for all of you. As you are taking part in all the holiday celebrations and enjoying all the great things in your life please keep in mind those that may not be feeling the holiday spirit to the fullest.

Please remember and most importantly reach out to those who:

·         Might be experiencing the first Christmas since an important person in their life has passed. Send a card, give them a call, invite them to dinner, do something to let them know you are thinking of them as they are struggling to find the new normal to the holiday season.  If that person is you, do what is right for YOU! Don’t let anyone tell you what you should be thinking or feeling, this situation is new to you and YOU need to do what is best for you. Sure there is the chance that you might offend someone, but doing what is right for you is more important than pleasing others right now!

·         Struggling with another year of not being able to conceive. I wrote about this topic in a past post, and it’s not always something that everyone is aware of, as it’s a highly personal and emotional situation. Holidays can be very difficult for couples struggling with infertility. New babies might be at the celebrations, well meaning relatives might ask when they are going to add to the family etc. If you’re not sure of a couple’s situation, please keep your comments to yourself. If you are aware of their current struggles, ask them what would be helpful to get through the holidays. Sometimes all that woman needs is a good “buffer” from the aunt who can’t keep her comments to herself at the dinner table!!

·         The veteran returning from war. Returning to civilian life can be a very difficult situation. Homecomings are extremely happy times for all involved. However for those returning from war, the transition home can take a considerable amount of time to adjust to a completely different way of life. This is not a topic I want to glaze over, but I feel that all the things that can go into about this situation need to be put in a post of it’s own. The bottom line, is remember that this person might be facing a very big struggle to adjust to life back home and to be patient with them and be supportive.

·         All the people in your life going through a tough time, such as a divorce, a child who has moved away and spending their first Christmas away from home, someone who might be estranged from a family member or those that know this might be the last Christmas with a loved one. What it all boils down to is please be supportive and mindful of those that are facing new challenges this holiday season.

I do truly wish everyone the happiest of holidays and an incredible new year. But please stick this in the back of your mind as you head out for your holiday festivities, as you never know how much of an impact you do have on others and how you could make this holiday a little easier on someone you care about.

And as always, if you know someone who is really struggling and might benefit from help from a therapist, please give me a call. If I can’t assist you, I will point you in the right direction and assist you in getting the help that is needed! Merry Christmas everyone!!!

FREE COUNSELING!

Once again, I get so used to being in this field and the lingo and what I think is common knowledge that I need to remember that a lot of people might not be aware of what the heck is coming out of my mouth.  And, yes, that title was not one of those “too good to be true” sort of things! I was talking with someone with the other day about seeking counseling/therapy services in general and I suggested that person check out their employers EAP. I was soon met with a very blank look and a “what’s that”?

EAP, or Employee Assistance Program is that of which, your employer and most likely your insurance program will pay for a certain number of allotted sessions with a therapist to discuss life’s stressors that can sometimes get in the way of our time at work. Relationships issues, stress, depression, grief and anxiety are just a few things that can interfere with our day to day functioning. There is no co-pay or deductible and you go see the therapist at no cost to you. When a person accesses this service, you would call a number provided through your insurance company or Human Resources Department and most likely you will be asked a small amount of questions about what you are dealing with and then you will be allotted a certain number of sessions with a counselor. In some cases, you are assigned a counselor, in other cases, you are provided a list of possible providers and you will get to call and in a sense “interview” the counselor before making an appointment to ensure a good fit.  You are NOT speaking with a person from your company about what is going on, as EAPs are brokered out to an outside company who handles all referrals etc. Therefore, you don’t have to worry about talking to your boss about what is going on personally and that help is needed.

Employers are seeing more and more the benefit of a person being at their best in the work place. We are all human, and when something is off kilter in the personal aspect of our lives, we can’t always give one hundred percent to our work. This is an amazing benefit, to get the help that is needed to make is easier to function during the workday as well as when you get home at night!  As I stated above, you will be allotted a certain number of sessions and if you will require or want to continue to see a counselor, then be open with your counselor about where you are coming from as far as then going through insurance to cover the cost of your sessions or paying out of pocket. Whatever the case, when accessing EAP services, the information you give to a counselor in an appointment, does NOT ever go back to your employer, as everything is kept 100% confidential. (There are some cases in which confidentiality has to be broken, however and your therapist will review these things with you in your first appointment).  Also, it’s not only for the employed person. Every EAP has their own policies, but what I have found in most cases, is that family members can access this service too, if they are under the insurance of the employed person. A good resource is your human resources representative to answer questions for you or to provide you with a number to call and get the answers that you need.

Hopefully, this little post was helpful for you and maybe provides you with an avenue you haven’t thought of before. I would be happy to answer any questions you have about this or any topic, so please don’t hesitate to leave a comment here, call me at 636-294-5490 or email me at ldenisonlpc@gmail.com. And if you like what you hear on this blog, become a follower!  I really do look forward to hearing from you! Have a wonderful week everyone!

So Now, What Do You Do?

I have been in this field for quite some time now and pretty immune to all the “lingo” that goes along with my job. I sometimes forget and take for granted that others automatically know what I do. The truth is, that’s not the case. I get all kinds of phone calls on a daily basis asking exactly what I do….so here it is folks, a rundown of what you get  (or don’t get) when you see a counselor.

I DON’T prescribe medications. You need to see your MD or a psychiatrist for that. A psychiatrist is a doctor, went to med school and is a wealth of knowledge for when it comes to needed medications for things like depression and anxiety. Your regular family doctor might prescribe these medications for a short time, however they might eventually refer you to a psychiatrist for further follow up to ensure the medications are working the correct way. When you see a psychiatrist, don’t be disappointed when they don’t see you for an hour every time you are there. They don’t generally run their practice for talk therapy, but rather for medication management.

I don’t work miracles in one appointment. Some people come to me and want to know exactly what to do after that first appointment to never have to come back again. I wish it were that easy. However, when you see me for the first time, a lot of that hour is information gathering. I need to get to know why you are in my office. I need to know what you are dealing with, what has worked in the past and what hasn’t. It’s generally the second appointment that the “work” begins. I will help you set goals for yourself and for our time together, but in dealing with emotional issues, there is no quick fix. Some people only need to see me for a few weeks, others need a few months and others need to come in once a month for a year. I am going to work with you and have you come in to benefit you, I am not in the business to waste your time or mine. I truly want to help you and nothing makes me happier than when you don’t need to see me as often, as this means good things are happening!

I don’t get surprised by anything. I have seen and heard just about all of it. Don’t be ashamed to tell me anything. Honesty is the only way you are going to help yourself and if I don’t have all the pieces to the puzzle, I can’t help you reach your goals to the fullest extent. I care for all of my clients and when you are in my office, you are the focus of my complete attention. Due to the nature of my job and the things I do hear on a daily basis, I am able to check it at the door when I go home for the night. I am pretty sure just about any counselor would agree. I am not there to judge you or the actions you have taken in the past. I am human too, I have made mistakes and have my own quirks. When you are in my office, I see a person who wants to make changes and learn from those things in their past that aren’t always so pleasant. That is what I am going to focus on, how you can learn from things and where to go from here.

There might be that instance when we don’t click and that I am not the best equipped to help you. Please tell me your thoughts and we can go from there. I can refer you to someone who I think can help you better. Just like any other relationship, two people just might not click and that’s okay. Just please don’t stop coming, but again, be honest and let me help you to find the avenues that will benefit you the best!

When you walk in my office, I see you and want to help you with whatever you are dealing with. Stress, anxiety, depression, grief, relationship issues, and trauma are just a few of the things that I see on a daily basis. But how you struggle and cope with depression is different than someone else with depression. I don’t do “cookie cutter” therapy. I will focus on your strengths and help you build from there. I love nothing more than helping bring to light the positive aspects in your life and within you that you can use to get back to living a healthy and productive life! You deserve it! And if you have more questions, PLEASE don’t hesitate to call, I would be happy to speak with you further! And on that note, I answer my own phone (no office help just yet), so if you get the answering machine, please leave a message, I WILL call you back just as soon as I can in that same day.

Once again, I hope everyone is having a great week! And as always, I love to hear feedback, so leave a comment or e-mail me anytime for things you might want to see on here along with any questions or comments.  And it might just give me the push to keep to my promise of updating this once a week as initially promised!!!

To All You Dad's Out There

I am sharing the link to a blog called the Engaged Father. This is written by someone I knew way back when in high school and I thought I would take a quick minute to give him a shout out for bringing light to a subject that doesn't always get talked about. It's for all you dad's out there, who are providing for your family, raising kids and being a husband or partner. We tend to focus on mom's so much that the role of dad is sometimes a little glossed over. It's a tough job I appreciate all you dad's out there who ae working hard to be a positive role in your children's lives!!
Have a great week everyone!!

The Engaged Father  http://engagedfather.wordpress.com/